It’s still so very early…

In this brand new spankin’ year.
The confetti’s all been swept up,
And the mind is much more clear.

I send a load of cheerful tidings,
Wrapped in wishful compliment.
For health and warmth and riches,
And feelings of deep content.

And “Thanks” to those who’ve written,
I say with glowing blush.
My humbled pride is swollen,
My head is in a rush.

I send gratitude and merry,
Toss it back your way.
What goes around, comes around,
In blossoming bouquet.

So fill up on the joyous,
Feast on what you so deserve.
Then pass on your swell of goodness,
With commonsense and verve.

TOOT-Happy2014A toast to all…
Happy, Happy, New Year, 2014.

Boy, he is good…

He’s newsworthy good.
He’s fare imbalanced,
Remiss, understood.

He always flashed manly,
Pro testosterone.
He loves to air excess,
The brawl and Capone.

He’ll fuss over trifles,
Trash tabloid TV.
He dials up loathesome,
Stomach-churn and queasy.

He always brings jerky,
He always brings beef.
A wanting food for lo-rent thought,
A wanton phoo motif.

In blatant self-promotion,
He penned an odd memoir.
Exposing Myself,
A raunch of rank bizarre.

Of spunk, a hunk,
A seamy woo-hoo.
A punk of junque,
Funk hullabaloo.

Prurient fabrication,
Cut from whole cloth.
What we now see is threadbare,
An unbuttoned assault.

So…….

What’s all the fuss,
O’er this au natural treat.
This sag of sad muscle,
This man indiscreet.

This trashy exposure,
Seen rose-colored truth.
It’s raw and so shameless,
A gamy uncouth.

“70 is the new 50,”
Oh, boy, what a tweet!
A photo bare nifty,
An e-goad conceit.

No one cares what you look like,
Mister Lothario.
It’s vain and it’s haunting,
We scream,
“Hell no!”

All this self-serving,
Unhinged and unclasped.
We offer you some advice,
It’s easy to grasp…

No one wants to see you flash this,
The twee of your ‘big show’.  
Just quit the queasy excess…
Of blatant…

asstoot_FOOFARAWDO
Boy, he is good
A real, unreeling goodie
A wanting, helpless ‘selfie’
Please lend this man a hoodie!

Let’s keep this short…

There might be a bug,
Listen in’.

A bug, a bug…
A listen in’ sort.
It could be a bug.

It could be a bug,
It could be a fly.
A listen in’ sort…
It could be a spy.

It could be a bug,
It might be a mike.
A listen in’ sort…
They do what they like.

It could be a bug,
It could be a drone.
A listen in’ sort…
The courts will condone.

It could be a bug,
It could be a tap.
A listen in’ sort…
It could be a trap.

Phone home.
Home-groan.
Yap.
Yap.
Mishap.

It could be a bug.

asstoot_ABUGABUGOh to be a fly on the wall ! ! !

Today’s the day for dreaming…

Of independence true,
Today’s the day for fancy flight,
Transcendence through and through.

Today’s a day for soaring,
In a symbolic sort of way,
It’s all about declaration,
It’s Independence Day!

It’s the 4th of July celebration,
A rousing big band parade,
Its fireworks and sparklers,
In patriotic marinade.

It’s all about our history,
Public spirit so inclined,
But what’s with all this thinking?
It’s all about the summer…
let’s just go unwind.

Other days are hard enough,
It’s The American Weigh motif,
Pop open an ice-cold frosty,
With free-yourself relief.

Thinking of all that came before,
It’s enough to make one weep,
Now just ease on off that dreamy cloud,
Before it gets too deep.

Forget the tasks, your duties,
Forget the dead career,
Forget the NSA spies on you,
Forget the looming fear.

You’re entitled to life and liberty,
You’re entitled to all the rest,
The rest that comes with entitlement,
The right to stay unstressed.

So rally up the spirits,
Hotdogs, chips and beer,
Hoist up the lazy hammock,
Clutch down to neutral gear.

Burst forth with hamburger helper,
Bust your belly on barbeque,
Bubble up your champagne dreams,
In surrendered rendezvous.

Waive your right to self-involvement,
Wave your right to say “No!”
Waive your right to all the circumstance,
That keep you on the go!

Half-staff your blind ambitions,
Like your last full-time paying gig,
All your dreams are now outsourced,
So lie back – take a swig…

And another…
and another…
and another…

Now sate yourself with snoring zzzzzzzzzzzs,
A peaceful lollygag.

And linger…
linger…
linger…

Have a safe and peaceful 4th!!!

Hip, hip, hooray…

The race is on and it looks like we’re gonna have a party!

The banners are waving,
confetti to drop,
the pols are in position…
to spin the hula hoopla.

It’s winner take all
and all will be better…

Tomorrow.

Today is aswirl in the redundance…
The rank, the foul, the spew
It’s part of the build up…
it’s what we expect
It’s all they know how to do.

Until…
tomorrow.

Today we’re spent.
Tomorrow we charge….

Fight, fight, fight…
Out of the trenches,
out of the glum,
onward and upward.

Tomorrow.

We’ll pick the right one
or
maybe the left
it doesn’t really matter
they’ll all do what’s best
‘cause we’re citizens united
on to reward…

Tomorrow.

So, shake off the blunt force trauma
that is now in our DNA.

Cover all our scars…
because it’s toast, toast to all we wanted…
toast to all that we need

Give up all of our quandries
Give in to pol’s happy spout.

RAH!

Do the today can-can
for tomorrow is in the bag.

RAH!

Surrender yourself to their goodness
as we bust into the sis boom bah!

RAH!

We’ll whoopie cushion all our worries
and
RAH!
RAH! rally,
pep tickle our ulcers away!

Our ship of state will sail, straight…

Tomorrow.

Our time is here…
Our time is now…

Tomorrow!

But now…
Now…
Let’s
party!

We’ll put on our repartée hats
and
RAH!
raise the red flags to remedies,
and
RAH!
raise the blue flags to balm
and
RAH!
raise our white flags,
surrendering ourselves to the inevitable…
our raucous…

…tweet, tweet, tweet, toot, tweet…

 I’ll be adding my voice to the many…

sooooooooooo…

for those of you

who might like to hang on

my every breath…

my pearly nuggeted gusts

will soon be found on

Twitter

@iamasstoot

repeat after me…

iamasstoot

and

yes,

you are!!!

Please retweet… after me…