So, who wouldn’t want to go back?
So much simpler, with the country’s heart stronger, purer.
It was tranquility and bliss!

It was a time of innocence.
Of holding hands and skipping rope,
county fairs and fishing holes.

It was the sound of music…
a welcoming song with a sip
of champagne!

It was home-cooked meals,
softball games,
and affairs of the heart…
Ozzied and fully-nelsoned,
a whizzered commonsense.
It was a man’s world.

Of Beach Blanket Bingo,
Astroturf and Bond.
Charlie’s Angels, GI Joes
and banana seats on bicycles.

It was a man’s world.

It was a golden age…
When black was black and white was white.
It was ideal.

It was an era of dreams,
with all that man could hope for…
Marilyn and Ursula,
Raquel or Jayne.
It was promises!
Promises!
A fantastic voyage with trips to the moon.
It was a REAL man’s world.

And this rose-colored world we watched,
peacock proud…
broadcasted…
Nothing skanky, nothing skuzz.
Everything wisdomed…
Everything was…

well you know…
men.
when men were men and women were …
well..
Aunt Bee!

A high-pitched package of helpless,
A cheery crumble of peach,
A humble and bumble of needing,
a little of beseech.

Oh, Auntie…
Such a good girl!

It was lemonade, deep-dish pie,
birthday parties and Fourth of July.
It was county fairs and fishing holes…

And suddenly…
ruthlessly,
this All-American party turned,
turned so sinister.

The ade turned to acid
The fairs turned to square
The American Dream had soured.

No one thought much of men anymore.

Everything lost its value
Everyone lost theirs, too

It sunk into fun, it stunk into game,
And the country didn’t seem so showered anymore.

It was hippies and high jinx…
Leary and Jerry,
Jimi and

and!?!?!?!?!!!!!
nakedness!
Nakedness!?!?!?!?!!!!!

Oh, it still had men…
but…
but…
men,
men wearing beads.
Beads!!!!!!!!!!!

And those sounds…
those sounds of music…
…you call THAT…
music!?!?!?!?!!!!?

The real men were scared…
a lot left out.

and it wasn’t right…

and they, the men wanted their country back!

So in this age of naked ambition
they called for a party…renewed.

And so they drank…

They started with some Kool Aid, an acid test for sure
and then they downed some whiskey to wash away their fear,

They hammered and stammered and stirred…

cocktails.

Cocktails!!!!!!!!!!!

The gin became a tonic…
The old-fashioned turned into slur…
and oh,
Cocktails!!!!!!!!!!!
what a grand ol’ party it became…

Goldwater, Nixon and Romney,
Nelson and Spiro…
Buckley and Koch.
It had John Birch.

Cocktails!!!!!!!!!!!
We need more cocktails!!!!!!!!!!! bewailed the men…

The men of the time…
when men were men and women were …
well..
you know…
Aunt Bee!

Holding their tongues,
blushing and demure…
(with perhaps a Bayer between their knees)…

holding their nose,
pretty and polite

holding out hope,
sheepish and sober,
modestly thinking…

“Oh!?!?!?!?!”

Or (something akin to that)

Bee, oh Aunt Bee,
Such a good girl!
Bless her heart.